It is About Me

Starting in 2009, we were beginning to understand and accept that this life is not our own.  It is not about us.  We made decisions that have changed the course of our life and the path of our children.  They were costly decisions and ones we would not change.

When the journey became long and quiet, people would ask, "How are you all doing?"  We would say, "We are alright.  It's not about us, though."

When the days became painful and the future was not promising, people would ask, "How are you holding up?"  We would say, "It hurts so bad, but this is not about us.  It's about a little boy 8,000 miles away."

When the triumphant day came that we walked off a plane holding our son's hands, people rejoiced.  They said, "Good for you!  You have waited so long."  Deep down, we would scold ourselves for believing any part of it was about us.  We tried to remember that the airport was not the finish line, but the starting point.  It's not about us and our victory, after all.  In adoption, in order for the joy to come, there must be loss so painful, it's wrong to even pretend to understand.  We reminded ourselves that our joy was so many others' loss, including birth family, nannies, friends who were like brothers and sisters living in the same orphanage home, and others we've probably not imagined yet.

Now he is home and has had the most beautifully miraculous adjustment and attachment we could've even imagined.  He eats anything you give him, sleeps well most of the time, and wants to follow the rules.  He loves his family and he cares about every one of them.  He asks where each and every one is a dozen times every day:  roll call.

When people see us out, they say, "He is so beautiful.  How has he done?"  We say, "It's just been too good to imagine.  It's like he's been with us forever."

People are amazed to see how his brother and sisters have adjusted.  Very few people ask, "How are you doing?  How have you adjusted?"  And that's ok.  It's not about me.

I will admit.  This has been harder than I thought it would be.  We've done crazy before.  Three kids in 4 years was enough to make us raise the white flag.  When people told us to enjoy the peace in our home before Jude came home, we brushed it off because we'd done crazy before.  Nothing new.

Enter God.  Enter humility.  Give us the most well-adjusted, healthy, beautiful beyond description boy in all of Ethiopia and watch us squirm.  We are so weak!  I am not proud of the struggle it's been for the past several weeks around here.   Ugly places in my heart have come out of hiding and it is very clear:  IT IS ABOUT ME.  This entire journey.  It's been about me and my busted heart.  God is using this adoption to heal busted places in my heart.  Weak, faithless, wobbly, proud places of my heart.

I knew we'd never be perfect, but I figured 3 years of waiting and preparing were enough to allow for some smooth-sailing after the airport.  Could not have been more wrong.  No amount of time, no amount of pain, no amount of felt victory is enough to protect a family from the challenges of adoption.

Tonight we dedicated our little boy to the Lord.  We made a promise to Him and to our church family that we would depend upon God for strength and wisdom in raising Jude.  In my heart, I made a promise to the special mother who brought Jude into the world.  In the program, the church included the names of the families dedicating their children.  They also included the meaning behind the name.  We chose Jude because the meaning we found was "Praise" and "Thanks."   The church found his name to mean "Healer."  Oh my.  This little boy is a healer.  All this time I thought we were supposed to be healing him: healing past trauma and loss and showing him what a family is and what unconditional love feels like.

It is about me.

Psalm 147:3  He heals the broken in heart and binds up their wounds.  

Catching vomit

We had a sick baby boy yesterday.  From the minute he woke up, he was not himself.  He had a fever and a runny nose.  I made an appointment with the doctor, just to make sure there was nothing else hiding, like an ear infection.

After a 3 hour nap, he woke up vomiting.  Not just a little.  Like a champ.  It broke my heart into 1000 pieces to see him in pain.  But I have to admit, it was the first time I spent the day catching vomit with joy in my heart.  It literally turned my day right-side-up, because I'd been dealing with a little bit of "poor me."

I had the privilege of not only catching his vomit multiple times, but also following up each session with a warm wash-cloth and a couple warm baths, a lot of rocking, holding, and sleeping.  Jason met me at the doctor's office, where we stood together and caught his vomit in the parking lot, with our other 3 kids running around like escapees from the local mental hospital and dozens of Cerner professionals watching.  Privileged.

This is the first time he's been sick in the 7 weeks at home.  During the in-between (529 days), after we saw his face for the first time at age 4 mos, and our "gotcha" day, he was hospitalized at least twice.  Once for repeated vomiting and once for respiratory complications.  Neither time did he have Mommy nor Daddy with him.  Neither time did he have even a nanny or care-giver with him to comfort him and make him see that everything was going to be alright.  No one to watch him sleep in the tiny little hospital bed or rejoice when the dr. gave the "all clear" report.  Nope.  Just a driver, hired to drive him back to the orphanage.

Who caught his vomit?

Who wiped him off?

Who gave him a warm bath?

Who gave him crackers to settle his stomach?

The pain and anger we felt during his African hospitalizations:  it's still there.   It's still alive and well. However, it feels good to know that from now on, he will not be sick alone.

Heart Attack

I know it might be hard for some to believe, but there was a period of roughly 2 years when I loved to run.  I ran with 2 special people, one friend and one sister.  I have such fond memories of that physically fit time in my life.  We were pretty dedicated and disciplined about getting in 3 solid runs per week.  It seemed that no matter how comfortable we were with the running, it always hurt for the first 5-10 minutes, until we found our pace and our heart had time to catch up with our legs.  It was so tempting every single time, just to slow to a walking pace until the hurt went away, but we always pushed through until it felt like we were on cruise control.  

I feel like that is a great example of what life feels like right now:  the beginning of a run.  There are days it is so incredibly difficult and I just want to hit the easy button.  We are dealing with sick kids who need our constant care and attention and healthy kids who are trying to understand a new language and life outside a 10' x 10' room.  There are a lot of moving parts here and it is not easy trying to figure it all out!

If you have called or texted or emailed and I haven't answered, it's probably because I was wiping a nose, taking someone potty, tying someone's shoes, getting someone a snack, picking up remains of broken goods, or maybe it's because I declined the call altogether.  I know that sounds so rude, and it pains me to admit it, but there are days I just don't have a lot of words for anyone.  My brain feels like mush and my emotions have gone through a wild spectrum from glad to sad to confused to overjoyed (and the list goes on).  To do anything above survive is just not happening right now.  We'll get there, but it might not be soon.  

Many friends have asked what we need.  Here it is:  We need you to forgive us for missed calls, un-returned emails and texts, and general forgetfulness.  We love you all and need you.  We have not forgotten about you and the joy you bring us.  

Today is the first day since Nov. 16 when every person in this house is at school or work or home, where their normal routine would have them be.    On Nov. 17, it seems we went from a comfortable pace of living onto a treadmill paced at 10mph (which is faster than my short legs can carry me).  Please bear with us as our hearts adjust to this new pace and keep calling!   We will answer when we can and we need to know you still love us! 

The Weight of Glory

Dearest family and friends:

We are home at last with our son.  After years of anticipation and longing, we now hold the son who was placed so heavily on our hearts 3 years ago, before he was even conceived.

The past one month has been a whirlwind of triumphs.  We have known during this wait that our Father was fighting a battle for the life of our Jude Mengistu, but we never knew it would end so gloriously.  Exodus 14:14 tells us that "The Lord will fight for you.  You need only to be still."  On the days our hands were tied, it was comforting to know that the battle continued in our absence:  in His strong hands.  Some days were indescribably painful.  We were shown time and again how weak we are and how strong and mighty He is.  We have been carried by Him through friends and family.  He has been ever-present throughout the fight for our son.  

After waiting so long for even one victory, we had so many in such a short amount of time.  We passed court October 15, and were cleared to travel November 15.  In case you need perspective, it takes most families 3 months to get cleared to travel after passing court.  After being submitted to the US Embassy for Jude's visa, they cleared him in only 2 days, when it usually takes 4 weeks.  What a surprise it was to hear that we could travel!  We packed quickly and got out of the country within 48 hours---not a small miracle.  We could not have done it alone.   Our support system stepped up in a big way.

Since leaving and returning to the US, God has shown so much of His glory in the life of Jude.  Sometimes it is overwhelming.  Like when I'm driving down the road and Jude is right behind me singing a song in his sweet angel voice and I realize it's not my imagination.  And when we rock him to sleep in his room, where we spent countless nights desperately crying out to God to bring our son home.  And when he clings to us and calls us "Momma" and "Pappa."  And when I look at his scars--the places where I did not get to kiss and bandage--and I have no idea what happened in those places, but I know my Father held him then.   Glory.

People:  Time and again I prayed specifically for God to allow Jude to feel a sense of lonely, a longing for a family.  When I say it outloud, it sounds cruel, but I know that He created us for family
(Psalm 68:6--God places the lonely in families.)  Praise God that He placed the lonely in our family 3 years ago, even with the chaos that 3 young children under age 5 brings.  Praise God.

The day we picked Jude up from his orphanage home, he was understandably terrified (in fact, you might say panicked).  I can't tell you with words how much it hurt us to see him so confused.  We watched a terrified little boy over the next 24 hours begin to develop a trust for us that is beyond comprehension and beyond reason.  Only 24 hours after taking him from his home, we were invited back for a Farewell Ceremony for him, where his nannies and former roommates would greet him and hug him.  We were concerned about a set-back with his new-found trust in us.  We would never have believed that he would cling to us and refuse to go to the nannies who fed, bathed, and cared for him since he was 3 months old.  It defies any kind of reason, except that we prayed for this specifically.  We prayed that he would understand quickly that we are his forever and we will love him unconditionally and we will provide him something his orphanage home can't.  God's glory has been all over this quick adjustment.

If you could be a fly on the wall and watch our little boy run and play and kiss and cry here in his home, you would think he'd always lived here.  If he would let you hold him and rock him, you would feel the weight of God's glory resting in your arms, and trust me:  it's heavy.

So humbled by all of this.  So humbled to be the parents of 4 children.  So humbled by the strength of family and friends who have held us up for so long and now rejoice, as if their own child has come home.

If you feel starved for a glimpse of glory today, just take a look at this boy, who has spilled it all over our lives.

Thank you to all of the prayers lifted up to bring Jude home.  We are eternally thankful.

Ugly Beautiful

It seems to me that one of the greatest challenges in life is to remain content in all circumstances.   If you can get to that place of contentment, you have found the holy grail.

In the Bible, Paul says he "learned in whatever state I am, to be content.  I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound.  Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound abound and to suffer need."  Phil. 4:11-12

It has been a challenge to remain content and joyful for our family since Oct. 25, 2011.  There have been a few peaks of hope, but mainly just week after week of discontent and discomfort with the lack of movement in our case to bring our boy home.  

I have been reading Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts.  She proposes that it is not only possible to be content in all circumstances, but even joyful.  She is not Mary Poppins.  She is a normal human who has suffered tragic loss and has daily challenges just like you and me.

Her book is about writing down the gifts in your life, literally count the blessings, from one to one thousand.  It's a good practice for everyone, especially those who are having trouble finding their place of contentment and joy.  My family started our list about a month or two ago, and we are on gift #250.  It doesn't take long until you start noticing all the gifts in your life that He has strategically placed around you.

Our gifts are lists of people, things, sights, smells, funny moments, and now we even have an "Ugly Beautiful" list.  Voskamp reveals a few of her "ugly beautiful" gifts in the book and it really stirred me up.  When you start listing those things in your life that drive you crazy or get on your last nerve, and instead praise the Maker for them-----your heart changes.  Instead of complaining about them or feeling guilty that you can't make these ugly beautiful gifts perfect, try being thankful.  I am not Mary Poppins, although I would rather see the cup half full than half empty.  I am a real human with real challenges and flaws and fits of rage from time-to-time, and I'm telling you:  if this changed my perspective, it can change your's.

Here are some of my "ugly beautiful" gifts:

~piles of books on the girls' beds
~laundry 3 inches away from the basket
~hardened toothpaste on the sink and rug and tile
~lights left on in the basement
~crumbs under the table
~full dishwasher
~depleted school lunch accounts
~remnants of petrified food in the van
~noisy mealtime
~stains on shirts
~holes in jeans
~dirt under fingernails
~empty mustard bottle (gotta know Sophie)
~wrinkles around the eyes

The thing I've realized is that these are all signs of life.  If not for life in my house, there would be none of these things.

My girlfriends and I have always said we were going to take a "dirty home" tour of our homes, just so we can all see that none of us lives perfect, tidy lives all the time.  We have to learn that so many of the things we feel guilty about or pressured to change in our lives are the ugly beautiful gifts we have been given.

Our wait for Jude has been an ugly beautiful gift.  To be honest, it has been more ugly than beautiful in our hearts, but I believe there will be beauty in the end.  I don't want the wait to be in vain.  It is not easy to do, but I want to praise God for the wait.  I can't wait until we get to the end of the adoption journey and look back and count the gifts we were given during the wait.  The gifts that wouldn't have been given if we could've just brought him home Day 1.  I pray that he is given gifts he would have otherwise gone without---for his wait.

And, just so you are all aware, only 29 days until the judge looks at his paperwork again.  That's less than one month.  His day is coming.  We are filled up and overflowing with hope.

Looking forward to the gifts I can count once he is home~

And now my life verse:  Habakkuk 3:17-18

Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold
And there be no herd in the stalls---
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.

Court Date: Take 2

The past 2 weeks have been incredibly exciting for our family.  It has been months and months since we've received positive news about movement in Jude's case.

On August 15, Jason got a phone call from our case manager that Jude's regional approval had been finalized.  It is hard to communicate the importance of this event.  We had been waiting 10 months, 42 weeks, for this paperwork.  It's the same paperwork we were supposed to have on Oct. 25, 2011.  And then again on Nov. 4, 2011.  And then a number of promised dates after.  This victory came on the heels of 2 very hard days of bad news and spirited conversations/debates with our agency and other outside sources (3rd party attorneys, private investigators, etc.).  It was overwhelming.  As soon as Jason said, "Sue called.  We got the paperwork," I fell to my knees and sobbed.  It was such a shock and I was blind-sided with a rush of relief and joy.

The last step in finalizing his case is court (again).  Our prayer quickly became, "Lord, let the judge hear his case before the courts close for recess."  Courts close every year in Ethiopia during August and September, reopening in early October.  As of August 15, they were still in session with no indication of a closure date.  While we were hopeful that our case might be heard before the closure, we were hesitant to expect it.  In fact, to even be given a future date on the calendar would be a stretch, as the courts were tying up loose ends.

On Tuesday, August 21, as we drove home from dropping the kids at their first day of school, Jason saw on his phone that the Prime Minister of Ethiopia had died.  This sent us into a whirlwind of questions-about the possible effects this could have on a court date for us, and international adoption in general.  We read news briefings and scanned facebook group pages, attempting to get a realistic perspective on the country's stability and plans to change over power to a new leader.  It appeared from our reading that the courts would shut down as well as any and all other federal offices.  If the courts shut down for this sort of observance, it was likely they would go immediately into their 2 month recess.  We had to accept that we probably wouldn't hear about a court date for Jude until early October.

We already knew families who'd been given court dates of October 24 and later.  It seemed as if our court date would be late October/early November---at the earliest.

On Wednesday morning, August 22, we received an email with news of a court date.  He had been assigned a court date of October 15.  Courts will reopen on October 5, which means Jude's case will be one of the first to be heard.  We do not travel for court this time.

It is a miracle that our request for a court date was granted quite possibly the same day---maybe one business day prior---- as the Prime Minister's death.  He passed away at 11:45PM on Monday night.  We are amazed that it came so close to not happening before the court recess.

We are thankful to have a date to look forward to, in great anticipation.  We know and accept that anything can happen; however, we believe this is Jude's turn.  There will probably be a lot of silence between now and then, and that is fine with us.

48 days until the judge looks at his paperwork again, just 10 days shy of an entire year since our original court appearance.  Thank you for praying through this with us and thank you for your unfailing support and interest in Jude's fate.   

Not mine

Jason reminded me this week of something I learned a few years ago.

I had heard a small portion of a sermon by Tony Evans on the radio in the car as I was headed to the store one day. I don't usually enjoy listening to Tony Evans, because he is a loud "Give me an 'Amen'!" kind of preacher. He was speaking on the subject of good stewardship.

I remember thinking, "Yea, I've heard all this before. I know, I know. My money isn't really mine. It's all from God; therefore it's all really His."

He did speak about stewarding our money. However, he then introduced the idea that nothing we have is our's. Nothing. Not our brains. Not our time. Not our house. Not our job. Not our health and energy. Not even our kids. They aren't our's to keep and hoard. Whoa. That hit me like a ton of bricks because I'd never thought about it that way. I had always thought, "God has blessed ME with this little life to enjoy and the job of raising up these children in a loving home."

It had never occurred to me that my babies weren't really mine. They are God's children, whom He has entrusted in my care during their time on this fleeting earth. Not only does that give me a tremendous sense of responsibility, but also a sense of freedom. It helps me remember that we're in this together, and that it's not completely up to me to do this perfectly. I can't do it alone.

I chewed on this idea for weeks and it still comes back every now and again when I feel scared or worried about their safety. I have to remind myself almost daily to release them into His hands, because they are His anyway.

This idea has become even more tangible with our fight for Jude. It seems as though God is reminding us through our wait that Jude is not our own. It's a relief that we are not fighting on our own. It's encouraging to know that we are not praying alone.

We believe we are pleading for Jude not only for our family, but for the gigantic family of friends and loved ones who have already decided to love him. We know that you will celebrate with us when he comes home. We are exceedingly happy to share him with you all. I just cannot wait to share his beautiful smile with the world. He is so worth all the blood, sweat, and tears we've shed on his behalf. He is so worth it. And there are millions more just like him, who are SO worth it. Can I get an "Amen!" ?

1 Samuel 1:27-29

For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him. Therefore I also have lent him to the Lord, as long as he lives, he shall be lent to the Lord."

Hard news

We are in need of love and prayers. We were informed this morning that Ethiopian courts will not be hearing cases Feb. 6-Feb 24 due to staff "training." If our case doesn't pass this week (which we aren't really counting on at this point), then the earliest we'd pass would be March.

We are growing tired of hearing and reporting hard news, so we'd love to have your support. We continue to wait and wonder what He's doing while we wait. I know it will be a great story someday and I'm certain it will bring more glory to Him, but we're ready to tell it and rejoice in his homecoming.

Swarming Locusts

A very special thing happened one year ago today.

In the southern countryside of Ethiopia, a precious baby boy was born. He would have very round, expressive eyes and a beautiful mouth. His sweet little smile would make hearts sing. His laugh would light up a room.

He would live a short while in the countryside before moving into an orphanage without the sight or smell or sound or touch of his mother. He would come to know life inside the walls of an orphanage alongside 8 other babies. He would learn to sit up on the floor of that orphanage. He would learn to crawl on the rugs there. He would hold the hand of his nannies and take his first steps there. He would go through nights of painful teething and bouts of illness with the care of his nannies. He would be hospitalized twice without the comfort and presence of Mommy or Daddy. He would hear a language new to his family line and understand it as his own: Amharic. He would see the face of a white man and hear his deep voice for the first time and CRY for fear. One day he will call that man, "Dad."

A world away, a family would be preparing for his arrival. They would watch from afar each month as he grew and changed. They would record weights and heights, just as they did for their other 3 children. They would pray nightly on their knees for his arrival. They would put together a crib, wash bedding, hang curtains, and paint his room a fresh coat of blue. They would take such pride in him and hang large pictures of him up on their walls. They would attend baby showers where family and friends would pour out their love and support for his arrival. They would pray for him. They would think about him. They would dream about him. They would love him. And they would wait.

The wait would be excruciating. It would probably be harder on the family than on him. He wouldn't clearly remember life before the orphanage. Every day is just another day in his orphanage home.

Today is Jude's first birthday. We are filled with joy over his life. We are exceedingly grateful for the gift of his life and his future. We are celebrating with Taco Tuesday night (the kids' favorite), and birthday cake with ice cream. We will wear silly hats and hang balloons. We will sing "Happy Birthday to You." We will pray and thank God for Jude's life and for the life of his mother.

We will save his special little #1 cake for him in the freezer. He will get it when he comes home. We will save birthday gifts for him. He will open them when he comes home.

A friend referenced Joel 2:25 a while back and it caught my attention loud and clear. Here's some background straight out of my Bible, NIV:

Disaster strikes the southern kingdom of Judah without warning. An ominous black cloud descends upon the land--the dreaded locusts. In a matter of hours, every living green thing has been stripped bare. Joel, God's spokesman during the reign of Joash, seizes this opportunity to proclaim God's message. Although the locust plague has been a terrible judgement for sin, God's future judgements during the day of the Lord will make that plague pale by comparison. In that day, God will destroy His enemies, but BRING UNPARALLELED BLESSING to those who faithfully obey Him.

Joel tells the story of how the land laid waste, and how the people mourned for the land. It speaks of the Day of the Lord and a call to repentance. The part I am especially fond of is chapter 2, starting at verse 18. Go read the whole chapter (or the whole book---it's short).

Here is Joel 2:25-27, emphasis mine:

"So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, and the chewing locust, My great army which I sent among you. You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you; and My people shall never be put to shame. Then you shall know that I am in the midst of Israel: I am the Lord your God and there is no other. My people shall never be put to shame."

There will be a day when Jude can have his birthday cake and open his presents. He will be given back his first year of life lived in an orphanage.

Until then, we celebrate with gladness the life that entered this world one year ago today.

Happy birthday, dear Jude! Any many more~

Love, Mommy and Daddy and family

Waiting for a Status Change

I know by now you are expecting me to be blogging about bringing our baby boy home. Unfortunately I can't blog about that yet. We are still waiting to pass court. Our case is one of the few that are still pending.

As we correspond with our case worker daily now, we are on the roller coaster ride of our lives. It has almost been 3 months since we were supposed to pass court. We are still waiting on one solitary piece of paperwork that the regional officials have the power to push through. On Christmas day, we were told that the officials had indicated that they would be pushing paperwork in the "very" near future (as in a few days). We were certain it would be our Christmas miracle. Certain. So certain that I bought t-shirts that say "Abat" and "Enat," which is "Father" and "Mother" in Jude's mother tongue, Amharic. We were claiming it. Since that week came and went without movement, we have been told that the regional officials "promised" to approve the pending cases 2 weeks ago. Still nothing.

Today, we were told that the officials have begun to process regional paperwork, but that they are starting from the "top down." To clarify, they are starting with the last cases to be submitted. Our's was the very first. That means our's will be dead last. There are no words to describe our frustration at this point. We now understand what it means to fight for the orphan. We have some concrete under our fingernails and we're not finished yet.

We are in a strange limbo-land with our homestudy. Right now it's a gamble whether or not to update it (long story....I won't bore you). It is probably more safe to update than to not, but let me tell you how much we DON't want to. We want to spend that time and money on our son. We want to bring him home so bad we can taste it. It's all we dream about, think about, talk about, pray about. It's maddening.


As I sit here and work on our 3rd set of home study papers, my to-do list is long. I have to get fingerprints scheduled, medical clearance for the entire family, reference questionnaires for family/friends/Evan's teacher delivered in order to be completed, maps printed, employment verification letters, criminal and child abuse checks filed, income tax paperwork, and all this in addition to the pages of questions that still need answered. What kills us is that our lives HAVE NOT changed since 2009, when we started this process. Our home study is essentially the exact carbon copy of what it was in 2010 and 2011. Our status has not changed. Regardless, we have to pay the fees and complete the said paperwork in order to bring Jude home.

We are in anxious anticipation for the day Jude's status changes. His first birthday is one week from today. He will spend it in the orphanage he calls home, with the nannies who love him, but without a mommy or a daddy. He will not know the feel of cake icing between his little fingers nor silly hats and weird noise-makers. He will not know about his family who is celebrating his first birthday without him, an ocean away.

Jason and I have been on our knees more in the last 3 months than ever in our lives. We are crying out to God to change Jude's status. We cleaned out his room this weekend and have been praying through his room for his status to change. Every night we are holding hands as a family and praying for God to bring Jude home soon. We are asking God to show Himself in a big BOLD way in order to change Jude's status from ORPHAN to SON.

Please pray with us, family and friends. We know you are behind us. Thank you for being with us for so long now and for continuing to lift us up. There are days like today that it's not easy. Days like today remind me that sometimes one set of footprints is sufficient. Looking forward to good news soon.

Habakkuk 3:17-18

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

Comfort and Joy

It's been a very difficult week. We received news on Tuesday that Jude had been in the hospital recently for a week-long stay due to respiratory illness.

Never before have we felt such despair over the suffering of our little boy. To picture that sweet baby boy in the hospital without a mommy or even a familiar care-giver is like ripping my heart out with your bare hands and stomping all over it. It's a good thing you didn't see me that day (except for the few poor souls who did), because I was a mess. I mean, I can't even fathom driving away from the hospital if Evan, Claire, or Sophie were there for even 10 minutes, let alone 7 days. NO WAY, NO HOW. We happen to love this little boy so immensely that we'd give up our life right this minute for him. We've been fighting for 2 solid years for the life of this child and it is NO SMALL DEAL to hear that he's sick and hospitalized. It's NO SMALL DEAL that orphans, like Jude, are sick EVERY DAY without a mommy to comfort them, here and all over this planet.

One of my closest friends called and prayed with me, covering Jude and all his doctors, care-givers, etc, special protection and healing. If not for her, I would have been curled up in a corner somewhere until Jason came home. One of the scriptures she passed along was so powerful in my heart that day and forever more. Here's what it says:

Isaiah 43: 1-7 (emphasis via Wendy....merely to point out what stuck out to me)

Now this is what the Lord says- the One who created you, Jacob, and the One who formed you, Israel-- "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name and you are Mine. I will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched when you walk through the fire, and the flame will not burn you. For I Yahweh your God, the Holy One of Israel, and your Savior, give Egypt as a ransom for you, Ethiopia and Seba in your place. Because you are precious in My sight and honored, and I love you, I will give people in exchange for you and nations instead of your life. Do not fear, for I am with you; I WILL BRING YOUR DESCENDANTS FROM THE EAST and gather YOU FROM THE WEST. I will say to the north: Give them up! and to the south: Do not hold them back! BRING MY SONS FROM FAR AWAY and My daughters from the ENDS OF THE EARTH--everyone called by My name and created for My glory. I have formed him; indeed, I have made him.

***This is all about the restoration of Israel. It is down-right comforting to hear what God says about restoration and a new day. Go read the rest of the chapter when you catch a minute. I also especially love verses 16-21 about God doing something new.

We are thankful for the moments of joy that sneak in and surprise us. We are thankful for the rich blessing of our children and their ability to make it all better. We are thankful for our marriage, in which we both have a best friend and someone who's always "on our side." Praise God. We don't deserve it.

Here are just a few of the moments of joy that have managed to sneak into our lives lately (disclaimer---pics taken with my phone, so not the best quality):

Gotta take a break while baking cookies~

Can she fool you?



Baking cookies with Mama Cookie, using Grandma's old cookie cutters


Merry Christmas and many blessings of comfort and joy to you and your family this year.

Work on Me

I cannot believe we are still waiting. I'm overwhelmed by the fact that we were given a referral for a sweet 4 month old baby boy so many months ago. It has been 6 months since we accepted the referral for Jude, and here we are today, one life-changing trip and a whole lot of tears, later.

I could lie to you all and tell you it's all okay. I will say that the good days outweigh the bad, but there are days, like today, that I have trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It seems like our turn is never going to come. I read about and watch other families pass court and travel to bring their babies home, and I'm exceedingly happy for those precious children. I know it's out of our hands and that God can make all things good and that His timing is perfect and IT'S NOT ABOUT ME! I just have to rely on positive self-talk most days.

This is all stirring inside me today, because we were once again contacted by our home-study agency with a reminder that our home study ONCE AGAIN is going to expire in 2 months. There is a good likelihood that we will have to renew, to the tune of $400+, more fingerprints, more home-visits, and paperwork. We are still figuring out our specific case, but I remember getting the same reminder a year ago and being not-so-happy about it.

It's on the minds of our children, too. This morning, we were driving Evan to school, all 6 of us (me, 3 of my children, +2 boys I take care of). It is not a quiet ride, to say the least. Sophie piped up and said, "Mom, we should get Jude a little shirt for Christmas." I told her that was a great idea. We decided he could open it when he comes home, regardless of when. She continued, "Yeah, and we should get him a train, and a ball, and a school, and a bird, and the moon, and a road, and a sidewalk to the school, and a car." It made me smile. She wants to give him the world. Me, too.

I remember reading this prayer from another friend's Facebook page a while back, and it seems so fitting to my life.

"Lord, work on me in the waiting. Prepare me. Strip me of my agenda. Shatter my plans into a million pieces."

So, that's my prayer today. And tomorrow. And the next day.

Busted bubble

I thought we had done everything we could to prepare physically and mentally for our trip to Ethiopia. We had six 50lb suitcases and six 15 lb. carry-ons. We had a few cameras, some bug spray, cash, donations, granola bars, and a deck of cards. What else could we need?

I would soon see that there was a lot more to learn about life outside my bubble than I could've imagined. I will try to share some of it, but as always, words carry only a portion of the weight of our experiences.

As you all know, we were in Ethiopia for the purpose of the adoption of our son, Jude. However, we prayed that God would use our time there to bring Him glory and to use our hands and feet for Him. We were not able to do much hands-on mission work, but we did walk among the impoverished people of the trash-dump, sat with the lepers as they did their work, held children who'd seemingly never had a bath and had lice in their hair, and played with HIV-Positive children.

We did not get very many pictures of these times, out of respect for the people. However, I will share with you some of the images that won't leave my head anytime soon.

These are women who are carrying 60kg of wood for fuel to sell at the base of Entoto mountain. They will earn about 30 birr for one trip up and down the mountain. That's less than $2. Unbelievable.

These are some boys we met on our trip up the mountain. They were so sweet. They told us of their one-hour walk into school everyday and the 2-hour walk home, up the mountain. They asked if we had brought dictionaries for them. They were sweet until we got in the van and handed candy out the window. At that point, they started pushing and trying to get at the candy, reaching as far into the van as they could, even as we drove away. There was a little girl there who had on a Dora shirt that had never been washed. Evan continued to be concerned about whether or not she got any of the candy.

This is a man at the leper colony. He is weaving a rug. He has no fingers on either hand. We were pretty sure they put him outside by the entrance because he was so full of joy. I didn't get a picture of his smile, but trust me, he was a happy man. If I recall, we read later that this man had come to the leper colony 20+ years ago with his 4 children. All the people in this place suffer from leprosy or other debilitating, contagious conditions. They are all serving a purpose, working on projects that are sold there on site. The picture below shows me giving the weaving loom a try. I was terrible. The workers here are so fast and diligent. I made a fool of myself. What's new?!









These last 3 pictures were taken at Korah, a "suburb" of Addis Ababa, near a large trash dump, where people live. It was one of the most humbling times ever to walk into this place and see how these people live every day. If you are curious about what life is like there, just google "Korah dump, Ethiopia." One of the great things we saw while we were there was a ministry called "Mission Ethiopia." If you want to know more, click HERE. The little girl Jason is holding was so sweet. Her name is Salem (sp?). I'm surprised she didn't end up in the van with us. She followed every step our group took.

I sincerely wish we could've snapped some pictures while at AHOPE, the orphanage for HIV-positive children. One memory I'll never forget is a 6 month old baby boy in a crib, who weighed no more than 10 lbs. His legs were the size of my fingers. He was as happy as he could be, smiling from ear to ear when I talked to him. He held my hand and kicked his tiny legs. He had been abandoned 3 weeks prior and in their care since. They were doing the best they could to get weight on him. Another image in my head is the young girls there. The girls who were around 10 years old would talk to us and walk next to us. When they smiled, their youthful faces looked old and worn. I can't explain it, but they had wrinkles on their face, like I remember my grandma having. I'm not sure if it's the disease, the medication, or the hardships they've endured, but it was slightly disturbing. They would not have you feeling sorry for them, though. They were happy girls, eager to show us their room and their bed.

We still have some sifting-through to do with all these other-worldly experiences. When you consider that these experiences were in addition to us meeting our son and spending time with him, you can understand why we've been dazed and confused this week. Our middle-class, suburbia America, bubble has burst. Thank you for giving us time to put it into words.

Psalm 148

Orphan Sunday

Piggy-backing on my husband's facebook status today, I will share a short story about a couple we met while waiting for court in Ethiopia.

They are a couple of 60 years. They are from Spain. Their beautiful skin and healthy body shows it. She held a stuffed animal and he held a briefcase. They sat down next to us, in a room otherwise full of Ethiopians. Their English was decent, but we had to concentrate to understand each other. They were giddy. You couldn't miss them.

After some small talk, it was obvious that we were both there for adoptions. The usual questions were asked: "How old? Boy or girl? What region are they from?"

And then, the husband shared more of their story. They are 60 years old (you would not have guessed it by their appearance). They have been in process with a Chinese adoption for 6 years now and still await progress there. In the meantime, they started this Ethiopian adoption and have been waiting 2 years. At home, they have a 20-year-old biological son with Downs Syndrome. His name is Angel. They were there to give their consent for this Ethiopian adoption of a 3 year old boy. They told their agency, "We have no preferences. Girl or boy doesn't matter. Age doesn't matter."

They smiled as they showed me his picture. They are so proud of this new son they will take home soon. This little boy now has a mother and father who take pride in him and show him off like he is their prince. Praise God.

On this orphan Sunday, I choose to open my mouth once again for those who cannot. If only you could see the faces and hold the hands of the children in this world who cry out for a parent. We saw only a fraction of the 4 million in Ethiopia and I pray that God will continue to put them in our face and in our path.

Our fight for Jude is not over yet. After a blow to the heart on Friday, we are refreshed and ready to wait some more. This is all just a part of the concrete.

Click here if you are lost with my concrete metaphor.

John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." ~Jesus

James 1:27 Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.

No movement in court today

Just received word that there was no movement in our case today. The judge was not able to approve, since they are still waiting on a document from Jude's original orphanage. There is no word on a new court date.

So we wait. And, in the meantime, Jude sits in an orphanage.

The Waiting Game, again

We are anxiously awaiting news that our case is finalized. While in Ethiopia, we were told that it would be complete on Friday, Nov. 4. Now, after some email correspondence with our case worker, we are even more confused than ever. We will have to see what happens this Friday. Will you pray for us that it will come to an end this Friday, Nov. 4th?

When this actually comes to an end, it might take us a while to believe it.

Until then, we look at pictures and videos of our sweet boy 8,000 miles away and dream of the day he comes home.

Thank you for your continued love and support. I simply cannot wait to share him with you. What a precious, precious little soul he is.

~Wendy

Court update

Ethiopian court. What an experience. I can't wait to share it with you all sometime.

Long story short:

We gave our consent to the adoption. The judge told us they are waiting on one more piece of paperwork from Jude's regional government. They will get it soon and the judge told us we will finalize our adoption on November 4. We do not have to stay until then. It can be finalized without us, since we appeared in court and gave our consent in person.

Fun fact: We never dreamed of getting a son for our 11 year wedding anniversary. Can't top that, right?!

Thanks for all the continued prayers and support. We will be leaving tomorrow night. Prayers for safe travels once more, please.

Love,

Wendy

Big day

2 big deals today:

~We went to orientation where we learned how to pass court in a foreign country

~We changed Jude's diaper.

We are well-pleased with our day.

If you think about it before you go to bed tonight, please say a little prayer for our court hearing tomorrow. It will be fine, but there is paperwork that could come together tomorrow and we are praying for just that. Chances are that it won't all be pulled together until a week or two after we go to court, but it's always worth praying for. The sooner we pass court, the sooner he is in his bedroom in Kansas City and my heart can be all in one place at the same time.

Thanks and love to you all~

Wendy

Quick update

Friends and family:

This post will do no justice to the time we've spent so far, but I need to take advantage of the very fickle internet connection and bring you up-to-speed.

Flights were awesome. Thank you for praying.

Evan has just become a little Ethiopian. People here love him. The girls hug him and kiss his cheek anytime they can. I am not kidding. It's hilarious.

The food is different. We have enjoyed the authentic Ethiopian eating experiences we've had, but we do look forward to an iced tea and some fried chicken. Actually, iced anything would be great.

The scenery is different from what I expected. I'm not really even sure what I expected. I don't think I made it that far in my head. It's hard to explain in words. You'll just have to see my pictures when we return home. Just picture a lot of sheet-metal homes that have 9+ kids and only a mom inside.

The sights we've seen and the places we've gone in just a short 3 days have covered such an expansive realm of Ethiopia. It's a lot to take in. We are so thankful to get to be here. We hope to get out into the countryside sometime on this trip, but we're not sure if it's gonna happen.

We have been inspired by the attitudes the Ethiopians have. They are happy, welcoming people. I'm wondering what they think of us.....

We met Jude on Friday. It was a time that will never leave our memory and I will write about it more in detail another day. For now, I will share that he was confused and sad at first, but then warmed up to us and we had an exceedingly joyful time together. He was littler than I expected, but a healthy size. He has a cough, so will you please add that to your prayers? No momma likes her babies to be sick, especially when she has to leave him across the ocean in a few days. To those who've seen pictures of him: I know you think I'm lying. He is cuter in person that he is in a picture. It is just unreal to me how God can create such a beautiful boy. I have to figure out how I want to share our first meeting and write about it later~

We get to go hang out with him again tomorrow for a couple hours and then we have our big day in court on Tuesday.

We love you all and we are ever thankful for your loving words and prayers lifted up in our behalf. They are needed and appreciated. Keep 'em coming.

~Wendy

On our way

The day has finally come.

Rewind back to Dec. 3, 2009, and you see 2 exceedingly joyful people who heard and accepted the call to adopt one or more children from somewhere, anywhere.

Fast forward through the paperwork, the questions, the funds, the seemingly never-ending wait, and you find us here today, with plane tickets and passports in hand and 1,000 emotions swirling.

Friends and family, you will never know the depth of our appreciation of love and support you've so willingly offered over the past 2 years. I've been in awe countless times with people who've showed up at our door with large sums of money and others who've offered such sweet words of encouragement that came unexpected. God is so good. Jason and I have had front row seats in this journey, and how we wish you all could see the affect this little 8-month-old orphan baby boy in a foreign land is having on complete strangers! God makes all things new and He brings life to where there was none.

Some have asked for a list of prayer requests. Here it is:

1. Timeline:

~Flight to DC tonight at 5:30 KC time

~Flight to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, Wednesday at 10:15AM KC time

~Arrive in Addis 11:15PM KC time

~Meet Jude Friday, 2:00 AM KC time

~Court hearing Tuesday, 1:15AM KC time (Please pray that we pass this first time. We are ready to hear that judge say "He's all your's!")

~Flight to DC Thursday, the 27th, at 2:30PM KC time

~Flight to KC Friday, the 28th, at 3:57, KC time, arrive home at 6:34PM

2. Strength and general health.

Jason is currently fighting a cold and Evan seems to be on the edge of one as well. Our bodies will be tired and we need all the prayer for Divine strength and wellness.

3. Jude

Please pray that our time together is blessed with peace and joy. I pray that God shows Himself in those meetings we have together over the next week. Please pray for Jude's heart as he is going to be confused about the goings-on. This is only the beginning. Pray that God prepares his little heart to join our family. The heart-break for him will be when we go back in a few months to bring him home. Let's start praying now.

4. Jude's birth family

Please pray for their hearts. God sees their pain and their suffering and we want to lift them up to Him.

5. Jude's nanny

Please pray that she continues to show love to Jude. Pray that her heart, as well, can mend after he comes home in a few months.

6. Evan

Please pray that he will be able to take this trip in and keep it in his heart where he never forgets. We are praying that God uses this trip to impact Evan's life for Him.

7. Claire and Sophie

Please pray for health and general safety as they are away from us. We are praying that they feel comforted when they are confused about the length of this trip and those caring for them can cover them with love and grace.

8. Reflection

Please pray that others will see the reflection of this worldly adoption as a metaphor for God's adoption of us.

9. Gratitude

We are carrying a spirit of thankfulness in the way God has been sovereign over this adoption. It doesn't look now what it looked like at the beginning, and we are thankful that He has brought it to this place.

We are going to do our best to keep you informed via facebook and/or the blog. Thank you for continuing to pray and email with support.

~Wendy